If i come over, it means nothing
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
