Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
