I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
