My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Randomize
