Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
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