Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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