can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
