wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
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