Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
