I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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