Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Four minutes until I can fart!
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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