It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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