just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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