In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize