Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Randomize
