You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
