Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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