New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize