Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
