I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
