It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize
