M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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