Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
