# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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