so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
