My nipple is on Facebook.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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