I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
