I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I think I won the penis lottery.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Boobs speak an international language.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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