so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
