I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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