Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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