You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
