Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
