K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
