At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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