4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
