after a month anything with tits is on the radar
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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