I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
