Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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