He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
she smelled like a LAN party
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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