I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
