Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
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