Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
