my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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