You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
