so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
