We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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