Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
