and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
