I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
