I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
