So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
