On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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