The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Randomize
