paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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