I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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