Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
