me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
