quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
