woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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