your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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