Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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