it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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