I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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