Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
