Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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