There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
