I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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