Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
