That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
