We named our party play list daddy issues
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
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