New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
