Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
