Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
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