I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
