I've blown a few things in my day
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
