alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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