you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize
