A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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