Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
