Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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