You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
