So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize