He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
