im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
