We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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