my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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