I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize