So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
