Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
