not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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