Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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