dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize