WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
